Humor A Breakdown of Economic Systems

[Senkusha]

Socialism:
You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbor.

Communism:
You have two cows.
The State takes both cows and gives you some milk.

Fascism:
You have two cows.
The State takes both cows and shoots you.

Nazism:
You have two cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

Bureaucratism:
You have two cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.

(Traditional) Capitalism:
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

(Venture) Capitalism (aka Royal Bank of Scotland):
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

Surrealism:
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

(American) Corporation:
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

(Greek) Corporation:
You have two cows.
You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.

(French) Corporation:
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and bock the roads, because you want three cows.

(Japanese) Corporation:
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.

(Italian) Corporation:
You have two cows.
But you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

(Swiss) Corporation:
You have 5,000 cows.
You charge the owners for storing them.

(Chinese) Corporation:
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

(Indian) Corporation:
You have two cows.
You worship them.

(British) Corporation:
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

(Iraqi) Corporation:
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No one believes you.
So they bomb the [redacted] out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows.
But at least you are now a Democracy.

(Australian) Corporation:
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

(New Zealand) Corporation:
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive....